On God and Playgrounds

Maybe it's the fact that I didn't wake up until 11am this morning. Maybe it has something to do with the continual tossing of thoughts in my mind. Whatever the reason may be, I can't sleep. I have decided to use my alertness productively to write this post about something that I was reminded of recently.

About a week ago, I was babysitting for a little boy who doesn't have much to say. Why? Most likely because he's not even one and half yet. Regardless of his conversational skills, this little boy reminded me of something that I want to write about here. Something that God has reminded me of time and time again in subtle ways, like the actions of a one and half year old.

I decided to take this little boy to the playground. When we got there we did the usual playground circuit: slide - ducky spring - slide - zebra spring - swing - slide. That was until a ball came into the picture. A couple of kids showed up with a basketball and the little boy I was watching seemed adamant about getting his hands on it. I explained that it wasn't his in the way that adults often do to small children who they imagine to be old enough to understand and do things like vote or buy lotto tickets. All that he did was look at me perplexed and continued on his ball quest. Then it dawned on me. His mother had packed a small ball in his stroller that sat right outside the fence of the confines of the playground. This was when things got tricky.

I told the boy that there was a ball in his stroller and that all we had to do was leave the playground for a moment to go get it before returning to play. He didn't understand so I picked him up and started to walk towards the fence gate that would take us out of the playground. He really didn't understand. He started to yell and pull away from me. He thought that I was taking him away from the playground forever! It wasn't until we reached the stroller and I showed him the ball that was in it that he started to relax a little. I handed him the ball and we walked back inside the playground where he happily played until lunch time.

Why do I tell you all this? Partially to make you reminiscent of the joys of the playground (I have been feeling nostalgic lately after all...), but more so to reveal a truth that God has been showing me - that what I may see as best for me may only pale in comparison to what God has in store. '"For I know the plans I have for you," declared the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). How often I forget this! I make my plans and do my best to keep my plans. I strategize the best possible way to get what I want, all the while paying little attention to what God wants.

Seeing that little boy react so negatively to being taken away from the playground to get a ball - the thing that he really wanted all along - was eye opening for me. He didn't understand. I tried to explain it to him, but my foresight was just bigger than his. I could imagine him happily playing with the ball the way that he eventually did, even as we walked away from it's gates and he began to yell. I could things that he couldn't. I had a plan that would bring him what he wanted, but he only saw it as me taking everything that was fun away from him. I have to wonder how often this same struggle takes place between God and myself. More often than not, I am certain.

This reminder is especially significant to me at this moment in my life. I am laying in the lap of uncertainty. Uncertainty about work. Uncertainty about relationships. But God has reminded me through this little boy that I can be certain about one thing - really the only thing that matters. I can be certain about God. When everything else is hectic and foggy, God remains clear. His love and willingness to listen and help are endless in capacity. No matter the circumstance, God is ready for action!

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." -Psalm 32:8

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

The Thing About Unemployment...

Today marks the beginning of my third official week of unemployment. I say "official" because I am not including the nine-day road trip that the What Now Wanderers went on. At first, unemployment seemed heaven sent. Prior to finishing my internship, sleeping past 8am seemed like a luxury. Now I find myself groggily waking later and later every day and I can't help but wonder if I am wasting my life away.

I have been filling in my free time in a variety of ways that usually require me to fork out money or clap a lot. Allow me to give an example. In the past two weeks I have attended two show tapings: The Rachael Ray Show and The MTVU Woodie Awards. Both tapings were free (sans train ticket) and a lot of fun! I have found that the best way to get a biceps/triceps workout in a short period of time is being a member of a studio audience. Failing to clap could cause for immediate ejection from the set via mechanical launching seat or, more likely, the warm up guy to calling you out for it. I have been going to show tapings for over a year now. I guess that you could call it "my thing" and although it's fun, I don't want it to be "my thing" forever. I would much rather have "my thing" be something noble or selfless than getting free tickets to shows in hopes of getting free stuff and being overcome by a case of star struck-itis.

When I am not sitting in on live television tapings, I can be found glaze-eyed in front of my computer searching for jobs on Craig's List, Indeed.com, and anywhere else that looks promising. I have to say that I really dislike online job searching. I like it even less when I do it every day. In an effort to spend more time online, I have been babysitting whenever I can, visiting with friends, and doing odd jobs. My last odd job was working at the polls. My next? Handing out cupcakes for a new local bakery at a nearby Thanksgiving parade. The odd jobs are fun and interesting, but I am ready for something more concrete that I can plan to do on a regular basis. Here are some of the ideas that keep me up at night:

1.) Service Trip
I have been wanting to go on a service trip for a while now. It seems like the perfect time to go - no work, some money from my internship just sitting in my bank account (I know... I know... I should save it up for something pretty like an apartment or use it to pay my college loans, but I have a serious case of wanderlust!), and nothing really holding me back.

2.) (Another) Road Trip
Maybe to visit my cousin in Texas? Maybe somewhere else?

3.) Seasonal Work
I have applied to a number of seasonal jobs over the past two weeks or so and am waiting to hear back from them. If I don't hear back by the end of the week I am going to apply for a job as a UPS Driver Helper. I would help deliver packages and get a snazzy brown suit to wear...

4.) Volunteer
What better way to use your time than to use it selflessly? I have been looking into volunteering locally and have a volunteer opportunity coming up this weekend that I'm really excited for. It should be a lot of fun!

5.) Retreat Into a State of Despair
This is depressing, but I can feel myself doing this on days when I have nothing else to do. I try to stay positive and usually have a sunshiny disposition, but having friends at work and no job to go to during the day can make me feel sad. I so want to be doing something that I love and something that I feel is meaningful, but not knowing what that something is or how to go about doing it is hard. The RTN road trip really opened my eyes to the fact that it is possible to do what you love for a living and that there are ways to get to the point of doing so, but I don't know what I love to do, so I feel sort of stuck. I have found that my best coping mechanisms are talking to friends about their situation and realizing that I am no alone in how I feel, praying about what it is that I should be doing and trusting that God knows what He's doing, and exploring my options. That's really what my Year of Yes. blog is about. Trying things that interest me in hopes of finding what I am truly passionate about.

*NOTE: If you happen to see that I seem a bit gloomy on any given day, would you mind just reminding me that something much bigger than me is in the works? Thanks.

I Can't Just Keep This To Myself!

I have been feeling a bit nostalgic these past days... I guess talking about my favorite childhood movies sparked something in me. Last night I saw a few friends that I went to elementary school with and I (of course) had to bring up memories of childhood, which got us talking about the toys, games, and fads that we children of the 90's embraced and loved so dearly. My friends from elementary school and I got to talking about the games that we would play during our "Media Center" visits. I can remember sitting down as a class to clunky old Mac computers to play education and fun (I remember them being mostly fun...) games like Oregon Trail. I decided to try to find the online versions of a few of my favorite games from Media Center time and I was happily successful! Do you remember Number Munchers? Not everyone does, but those who are familiar with the game will definitely want to spend time playing online here:

Number Munchers

Got a hankering for 7 lbs. of bacon? Miss risking life and limb by crossing a treacherous and partially frozen lake? Wish that you could spend countless virtual months with celebrities like J.T.T. and Devon Sawa only to lose one or both of them to Small Pox? Play Oregon Trail here:

Oregon Trail

VHS Nostalgia

Last night I spent some time with Lauren and Sarah. We decided that since a whole week had passed since getting home from our trip, it was about time for a What Now Wanderers reunion of sorts. While we were reuniting, Sarah taught Lauren to knit while I browsed Craig's List for jobs (the search is officially on). Lauren took a break from knitting to answer a phone call from her boyfriend Brent. He called to tell her that he saw an opossum (for those who have seen "Teen Girl Squad" on Homestar Runner, this is especially funny). When Lauren got off the phone she told us a great story about how growing up, she always related opossums to bayous and bayous to opossums. The relation is strange enough as is, but what made it even more bizarre was that the opossum Lauren related to bayous was adorned with a straw hat and played the banjo. She could never remember why she had this connection until she met Brent and asked him what he thought of when he pictured bayous (strange I know) so she could explain this odd relationship that she had lived with for so long without explanation. To Lauren and Brent's surprise, Brent said that he also pictured an opossum wearing a straw hat playing a banjo! They are definitely soul mates! It turned out that the opossum with the straw hat and banjo was Banjo the Wood Pile Opossum from Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Summer Vacation! Why am I so excited? Allow me to explain..

Everyone has their favorite childhood movie or movies. Many will reference Mary Poppins or Cinderella, but though these are movies that I cherish and grew up enjoying, they were not the films that I begged my parents to allow me to watch over and over again.

When I came to college, there were so many new people to meet and so many topics of conversation to cover that conversation rarely dwindled. Every new person that I met had so many interesting insights to share and stories to tell that I can't help but laugh when I recall the topic of conversation that always came up - ALWAYS. The topic? Childhood movies and television shows. The topic came up so often that I eventually had the answers to, "What was your favorite Nicktoon?" and, "What Disney villain scared you the most growing up?" ready to deliver in a heartbeat.

Maybe it was the return to napping or the cookie breaks in college that made the topic of childhood entertainment so intriguing. Maybe it was the realization that college marked the entry into adulthood and, consequently, the final days of childhood that made revisiting the past so common. Whatever the reason, conversations revolving around things that were popular in childhood were inevitable. Even more so, they were a common ground for any group of people to discuss and the foundation for (I have to admit) a handful of the friendships I made during my time at college.

So, what are the movies that landmark my childhood? The movies that I could watch over and over again and never tire of? The films that I own on VHS and still occasionally pop into the VCR to watch when I am feeling nostalgic or too grown up for my own good? Here's the list with clips from my favorite part of each film. I'm only going to give the animated ones for now because the list would be much too long for one blog post if I included live-action too!

1.) Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Summer Vacation

2.) The Chipmunk Adventure

3.) A Goofy Movie

4.) Tiny Toons: Music Television

because I couldn't pick just one favorite music video...

5.) Anastasia

6.) Aladdin

7.) The Little Mermaid

Everyone's Doing It... Even Mary Tyler Moore

Today I fulfilled my civic duty of voting. Since I have been letting unemployment get the best of me (I have been unemployed for going on three weeks now and have watched more television in that time than I think I ever did over the course of my college education), I decided to pick myself up by the bootstraps and get as many "one shot" jobs as possible. So far I have been a pumpkin carver, a babysit and, after today, an election poll worker.

With my dad's encouragement, I signed up to work as an aisle attendant at my high school alma mater. I worked alongside my father and my friend Hayley. Hayley and I got to show off the latest election fashion - bright green vests that designated us as aisle attendants from all of the poll workers. I must admit, that vest made me feel powerful.

It was exciting to see masses of local citizens come out to give their say on who they think should be running this country. Hayley and I ran into a few former teachers of ours and made a slew of new friends (most of them cute elderly ladies) who were also working at the polls. Though everyone I got to meet was interesting, there was one person who came to vote that stood out from the rest - none other than Ms. Mary Tyler Moore. When I first saw her walk in I thought that I recognized her, but brushed it off as a resemblance. Then she turned and I got a good look at her face. It WAS her! Thought after thought raced through my mind as I watched her tell one of the workers her address. Things like, "I grew up watching The Mary Tyler Moore Show!", "Is this really happening?!", "I just saw her on Oprah!", and "Who can turn the world on with her smile...?" I had no idea that she lived in my town and there she was, someone I had only seen through the glowing picture of my T.V. there breathing the same air as me!

I feel like my last paragraph deserves a disclaimer or note or something of the like. I definitely believe that people are just people, but I will admit that I have a somewhat serious issue with getting starstruck. Today was no exception. I looked at her. Looked away. Looked at her again. Stared at her. Looked away. Stared again. Looked at Hayley who was looking at something other than Mary. Looked at Mary again. Looked at Hayley who was now looking at me looking at Mary. Mouthed "IT'S MARY TYLER MOOOOOORE" in a very exaggerated way. Did my best to play it cool as Hayley asked me what it was that I had just mouthed in a very exaggerated way. Mouthed "IT'S MAAAARRRRRYY TTTYYYLLLLEERRR MOOORREE" again in an even more very exaggerated way while pointing in Mary's direction behind a folder. Got frustrated that Hayley could no understand my over exaggerated mouthing skills (probably because it looked more like a lion roaring than what I was trying to say). Finally gave up on mouthing what I wanted to say and shuffled over to Hayley to whisper it only to have her say, "I don't know what she looks like".

All in all, it was a very memorable and historic day for obvious political reasons as well as personal Mary Tyler Moore reasons. I am so happy that I got to play a part in the history of today by working through my unemployment as an aisle assistant.

Home Again, Home Again... Jiggity Jig...

I know, it's been a while. I do have a good excuse though. I just got back from a half cross-country road trip to the mid-west and back. I traveled on a grant from PBS' Roadtrip Nation with two of my good friends, Lauren and Sarah. Along the way we interviewed people who are passionate about what they do and who have fulfilled the Roadtrip Nation slogan by "defining their own road in life". The entire experience was incredible. The place we got to see, the people we got to meet, and the discussions we had on the road are priceless. Having done the gross part of my road tripping experience in the past four years, I can say assuredly that the road has a unique way of opening my mind and spirit to new possibilities.

Along the way, Sarah, Lauren and I met so many interesting people. It amazes me how willing people can be to give their advice. I would have never thought a few months ago that I would be able to say that I stepped foot in to the office of the Editor-in-Chief of National Geographic or that I got spend time in Hallmark Card's humor department. I loved being in the places that I have dreamt about and meeting the people who have made similar dreams their reality.

When I returned home the night before last I was still in the road trip mentality. I was happy to be home where I could relax and process my trip away from highways and pit stops. I was also sad that all of the work put into planning and executing the trip had come to an end. I absolutely loved everything about the road trip. Every aspect of it thrilled me and brought me to that level of consciousness that comes with new and exciting experiences. Today is my second day home after the trip. Yesterday I was adjusting to not waking up in a hotel room and enjoying being able to bask in the thrill of my recent venture. I still feel that way today, but to a lesser degree. I can already feel myself slipping back to my habitual lifestyle. Today it has finally hit me that the road trip had served as a book mark of sorts. I imagined my return marking the beginning of a new chapter. I hadn't really considered the difficulty of a job search before and during the trip, but now I am faced again with the crushing weight of college loans and bills.

I started a new blog called "Year of Yes" on which I am documenting my journey (almost) day-by-day towards discovering my life's passion. I know that I have it in me. I know that God has put it there. There is something that we can all do in a way that no one else can. This trip has served as a reminder that we are not only denying ourselves, but the world as well, when we deny what we are passionate about. I have been trying new things and challenging myself to step out in different situations that may scare me. I'm hoping that doing so will help to melt away all the "junk" (the lies, the criticism, the shut downs) that I have listened to and believed for far too long and leave me as a refined piece of passionate gold.

I can't deny how passionate I felt about this trip. Like I said earlier, every aspect of it thrilled me in a way that I want to feel again. I have to, no..., I need to feel that way again. I want to learn and see and feel. I want to explore and teach and express. I want to have passion and be passionate. I hope to get there soon.