The Unspoken Rules of the Women's Bathroom

I know it seems strange, but I have compiled a list of unspoken rules that exist within the walls of womens' bathrooms. This list is based on my own personal experience as a user and visitor of womens' bathrooms as well as a general consensus I have come to on the matter through various conversations with other women like myself. For all the women who may read this list, please feel free to comment with additional rules you may think should be on the list or let me know if you think one or all of the rules are total bologna. For those men who may be reading this, I hope that you find this list somewhat informative and interesting. Here's how the whole idea for the list came to be...

The other day while minding my own business in the women's bathroom a women...we'll call her Betsy...loudly entered the bathroom on her cell phone. She proceeded to enter a stall while STILL ON THE PHONE and take a seat. While washing my hands I overheard her say something along the lines of, "I was holding that forever". I had to quickly leave the bathroom for fear of breaking the otherwise silent bathroom's serenity with my laughter.

After leaving I was fortunate enough to have plans to play ping pong with my good friend Carl. I say "fortunate" because Carl is usually one of the people that I am the most excited to tell a story like this to so the fact that I would get to tell him it while it was still very, very, very fresh in my mind was exciting. Anyway, my telling him lead to an entire conversation on the unspoken rules of the women's bathroom. I was sad and a bit relieved to hear that the rules for the men's bathroom were much shorter than the rules for the women's bathroom seeing as none really even existed according to Carl. So, without further ado, here is the list of women's bathroom rules that I complied...Enjoy!

THE UNSPOKEN RULES OF THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM:

1.) If a bathroom is empty you may enter any stall at your own discretion.

2.) If you enter a bathroom and one stall is full do not, if bathroom size and stall count allows, enter the stall directly next to the stall in use on either side.

3.) If you enter a bathroom and two stalls are occupied you may choose to enter a stall next to either occupied stall, but if bathroom size and stall count allows it is still best to pick a stall that is not directly next to either stall in use.

4.) It is okay to remain completely silent while washing your hands and/or standing in line for the bathroom, but small talk is also acceptable in both situations.

5.) If you enter a stall around the same time as another person and you are the only two women in the bathroom it is acceptable to cough lightly or make some sound with the toilet paper roll holder. I do not recommend humming...I know this from personal experience.

6.) If there are no paper towels or hand dryers available for drying your hands it is acceptable to shake your hands over the trash or sink or general floor area and let out a small sigh.

7.) If the only means of drying your hands is a hand dryer it is best to limit your hand drying time to under thirty seconds if someone else is waiting to use the hand dryer. If no one else is waiting this is probably as long as you will want to wait too since those things never really seem to work. Pants are usually your best means of drying in this circumstance.
NOTE: By all means DO NOT use toilet paper. The results are less than enjoyable.

8.) If you in a busy bathroom and need to use the mirror for personal grooming it is best to stand between two sinks. This will help prevent glares from other women in your direction which you will most likely catch in the mirror and the occasional mumbled expletive.

9.) If you have traveled to the women's bathroom with a group of friends (a frequent occurrence) you should wait for all of your friends before heading back to whichever location you may have come from. It is acceptable to either wait in the bathroom for all of your friends or outside the bathroom.

10.) Finally, do not make small talk with people in the stalls next to or close to you unless they are someone you know who is comfortable with doing so or your small talk is in regards to toilet paper.

A final thing to remember: If you are at a sink washing your hands and have recently left a stall in the women's bathroom open and ready to be used and there is a line of women waiting for the bathroom, do not be offended if the next women in line goes to another stall than the one you have recently left open. This woman may just be following rules 2 or 3 of the list.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope that it has been informative and amusing...and hopefully truthful. Let me know what you think. I love comments eventhough I don't usually get them. Want to change that? Leave me one!!